//The Battle//

I feel like we are always so fickle.
Always wanting what we don't have (Maybe its just me).
When I was younger my sister and I would often get similar gifts at Christmas time from various extended family members.
I remember being so excited, bursting with the anticipation of what the sparkly package contained.
Something new & exciting.
Then we would tear into the gift and more often than not I either wouldn't like it or like the one my sister received instead.


I learnt quickly not to voice my complaints as we were taught to be thankful and polite to whoever had given us the gifts.
But the feelings were still in my fickle heart.


Wanting something I didn't have.
Now that I'm older (and supposedly wiser?) I'm over the Christmas gift scenario.
But my heart still has issues with this problem in another way.
My first instinct is to always want the gift I don't have. And sometimes I even resent or take for granted the gift I do have.


Some days its money, wanting what others have instead of being thankful for what the Lord has blessed us with. Or sometimes talents, I wish I could be as effective in an area of ministry as another, I could write like another individual or sing like another. Some days its children, I don't want to wait any longer.......
Some days I just don't want the blessings of this season of life anymore.


I wish for a peaceful moment to myself while at work or a newborn baby to constantly snuggle with. 
I wish for the freedom of being able to pack my bags tomorrow if I like and choose to hop on a plane to go serve in a rural village in Africa long term.
It used to be not wanting the gift of being single, being tired of it and ready to move on from feeling lonely. Or wanting a different job because I found the one I had just too hard.


I see the blackness in my heart.
Threatening to overtake and strangle the Spirit's movement.
I see how selfish I am.
How much I truly need His grace every single day.


You see I am learning (still) that every single day, sometimes hour or even minute, I need to be thankful for the gift. 
Thankful to the giver and content with what He has given me for this season.
Knowing that He has always given me enough.
That He Himself is always enough.


I am passionate about contentment.

 

This post is part of my 31 day series for the month of October, 
fighting through the fears and sharing the confusing passions I have. 
Hoping to figure out the bigger picture of all these interests.