Purity & Waiting.

It feels strange to write about a topic which has been so dear to my heart for such a long time and know that it may not be heard well. In my single days, or even my dating days....it was easier to encourage people in this situation. But I have found as the Lord has brought a beautiful relationship into my life which turned into a marriage, that my words on the topic of singleness and dating are not heard as well.

I have often heard it is hard to be encouraged, while in your single years, by someone who has what you want...a relationship.
I even felt this way myself while waiting for the Lord to bring a man into my life.
I'm beginning to think that my unwillingness to listen to encouragement from those who had already walked down the relationship path, I may have missed out on hearing how God provided and answered the similar prayers of another sister.

That should not be discouraging. It should instead be a beautiful picture of how God answers those prayers we are praying. As I've grown older I've learnt to value having someone further ahead of you on the path in life to encourage you and seen how it's also biblical.

'Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.'

{Hebrews 11:24-25}

There is something encouraging about hearing God answer a prayer that you yourself are praying. To see victory over a challenging trial as it gives us great hope. (or at least it should, instead of just bring up envy)

I know from experience that it can be discouraging waiting to meet that someone in your life, being desperate to love them already and not understanding why he isn't here yet. I long to encourage you girls in this situation. To show you that God really does answer those prayers for a godly husband. That He hears you, loves you and definitely hasn't forgotten you. 

Did you know that you can be loving your future husband now, even before you meet him.

In fact that's what the picture of the Proverbs 31 woman shows us.....

'Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?

    She is more precious than rubies.

Her husband can trust her,

    and she will greatly enrich his life.

She brings him good, not harm,

    all the days of her life.'

{Proverbs 31:10-12}

Let me introduce you to a guy who has spent his single years living for himself. He has embraced the messages of the modern culture today and decided to 'seize the day' or 'live for the here and now.' He goes out with a different girl several times a week, just having fun. He may not sleep with any of them, he is trying to follow the Lord after all. But he figures in order to find the right girl, he needs to date around right? He doesn't spend much time investing in his family, in fact he spent most of his teenage years at home wishing he could be out with his friends during family dinners. His room is a mess and he is disrespectful of his parents. He lived for trips out to the movies with his friends and spending time with maybe even a girlfriend. When he hangs out with his friends, he shows-off wanting to be seen as cool by everyone. He loves being the center of attention, burps loudly and laughs at crude jokes being told around him. He's quite even possibly all-around a nice guy on the service, he says all the right things and knows how to be a romantic guy.

Now picture a different guy. He has also decided to make the most of every opportunity, but in order to love his future wife. Instead of not giving her much thought while growing up, he wrote her several letters and regularly prayed for her. He purposefully has chosen not to date until the Lord shows him a girl he should pursue. He works on the relationships which are already in his life. He shows his parents respect, encourages his younger brothers and sisters and genuinely loves his family. He speaks words of encouragement to his friends, seeking ways to build them up in their love for the Lord. He may be hopeless at keeping his room neat at home, but he tries out of respect for those who come into his living area. 

Which one would you feel most treasured/loved by if you were the girl brought into their life? 

Now imagine that these are not in fact guys, but girls. Just like you and me.
How wonderful would it be to aim to love our future husbands in that way?

I would love to say that I spent most of my single years pursuing the model of the second guy. In some ways I did, of course I couldn't achieve perfection in this area of life.

And that's ok. There is grace. 

(We are not saved through the things we do. The bible makes it perfectly clear we are saved by Christ dying on the cross in our place alone. Works do not play a part in our salvation. Purity does not equal salvation. Just to clarify.)

When we love Jesus and chose to follow him. We are called to live our lives for him, a life marked by love.

'A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.'

{John 13:34-35}

We are called to love our future husband all our days in Proverbs. I'm pretty sure the author was being literal. Before we are married we can show we love them by how we chose to live (and love God through these decisions to love others and put them before ourselves). 

We can find a great definition for love in 1 Corinthians.

 'Love is patient, 

love is kind. 

It does not envy, 

it does not boast, 

it is not proud. 

It does not dishonor others, 

it is not self-seeking, 

it is not easily angered, 

it keeps no record of wrongs. 

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 

It always protects, 

always trusts, 

always hopes, 

always perseveres.

Love never fails.' 

{1 Corinthians 13:4-8}

This is quite the challenging list and should be where we go for a measuring stick on how to love others in the relationships in our lives. Boy, isn't this challenging and hard?!

Choosing to prepare yourself for your future husband, while you are still single, is an amazing way to love them before you've even met them.

The purpose of saving ourselves for marriage should be out of love for our future spouses, not to earn favor with God. 

When you meet someone who has chosen to wait for you, they have saved themselves physically, emotionally, spiritually just for you. You really feel loved.

I know this from personal experience. 

But choosing to wait is not something we should do to get it given back in return. It is done out of love for the other person. It is choosing to put them first in our lives, regardless of what they choose to do for us. A great preparation for marriage. 

No matter where your life is at, or what your past looks like, you can choose to live out of love for your future husband from this day forward. 

There is no such thing as perfection while we are still human. 

Even people who set out trying to live this way selflessly from the age of thirteen still mess up. 

So even if you have already dated many people, or even if you have slept with someone....you are not damaged goods. You can choose to live out of love from them from this point onward. 

None of us has a perfect past and we all mess up.

God is a loving God of second chances.

If you have made a choice to wait for your future husband, know that from someone who has been there, it is worth waiting for. 

I promise.

I don't know of anyone who has waited, guarded their heart for their husband and regretted it. 

So keep at girl! The Lord does answer those prayers! I am totally here cheering you on and telling you to keep running this race (Heb 12:1-2). 

I leave you with a beautiful song that encouraged me so much during those years of waiting.

Much Love,

L