Cultivating a Quiet Spirit.

{Via}

(This is a huge topic I have been learning about so please don't regard this as my complete thoughts on unpacking the 1 peter 3 passage, these are just some of the thing the Lord has been teaching me this past week)

I have never been a quiet person by nature. In fact through grade school, I was often loud, bubbly and enjoyed hanging out in large groups of people laughing and goofing around. I was probably often the center of attention too. I may have even been obnoxious to some people, but honestly I never cared at the time. 

As I have got older, I have felt the Lord teaching me a lot about femininity, true beauty and bring several verses about women having a quiet and gentle spirit to my attention. 

'Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.'

[1 peter 3:3-4]

I read this verse multiple times growing up and even heard youth pastors, and other speakers preach about how it is about being quiet before the Lord and not literal in meaning. 

But I'm beginning to think that this isn't true. 

I have many different friends with very different personalities and while some are naturally quiet and shy others are outspoken and loud. The friends which encourage me the most and whom I can easily have deep meaningful conversations are those who seem very gentle and quiet in spirit. They have a stillness and gracefulness about themselves which always seems to create a welcoming environment when in their presence. 

They seem to have mastered the art of social grace. They are mindful of those around them and always looking to include others in conversations. They know how to keep a conversation interesting with women younger, their own age or even older. They are polite and never rude. 

I don't think this is just a personality thing.

None of us is naturally born that way, selfless and others focused. If you are anything like me, I have a tendency to be naturally loud, opinionated and possibly even forget others as I can be too busy sharing jokes with good friends in a large group setting. I am feeling that claiming this is just my personality is actually really selfish. I have felt the Lord convicting me that labeling these patterns of behavior as 'personality' I am actually making an excuse for what it really is.

Sin.

Even if I don't intentionally mean to leave others out and exclude them at times. I still am selfish when I put myself having a good time in a group setting above making that one person who doesn't know anyone feel welcome. Yet that is my default behavior when with a group of friends, I feel its my right to just relax and have fun. 

'Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.'

[Philippians 2:3-4]

{via}

Social grace seems to be a dying art. As young ladies we are no longer taught how to be a good hostess (unless perhaps you are from the south, then I envy you for being taught correctly) or how to keep conversations interesting and flowing without periods of awkwardness. 

Our cultures progression seems to have moved to being tolerant of others and accepting bad patterns of behavior as being socially acceptable. It is now normal to see a girl burping, telling inappropriate jokes and sitting in very unladylike ways in a social setting. We also tell inside jokes and laugh with groups of people and don't explain them to those who perhaps weren't there, which can be extremely uncomfortable for those outsiders.

The Lord has been showing me it simply isn't Christlike to behave in this way. It isn't cultivating that inner beauty or quiet and gentle spirit. It is justifying myself and ignoring my bad behavior. 

There is beauty to be seen in a young lady who can have meaningful conversations with women much older than her or be polite and include those who appear to be outsiders.
At first it has felt totally unnatural for me to do these things, this is where I am currently at.

But I am a lover of stories like Anne of Green Gables and Little Women. I admire how refined the young ladies are. The girls are able to have meaningful conversations without getting caught up in rudeness about others. (Not everything about their behavior is perfect as obviously there is immaturity in everyone when we are young)

I am just beginning to feel that developing a gentle and quiet spirit is important in learning to love others selflessly. I firmly believe that such a spirit can be cultivated and will be when we are intimately in relationship with Jesus. We will become better listeners when we are learning how to be others focused in social settings and open up more opportunities for meaningful conversations when our focus is shifted.

Perhaps I will even be less inclined to seek to entertain those around me and more able to encourage them through this behavioral change. 

What are your thoughts?

Much Love,

L