Loneliness.

You know those times in life when we feel things just aren't going the way we want.
We feel left out of friendship circles,
we don't have the romantic relationship we desire and God seems silent.
We enter into this constant battle once again.
The battle of loneliness.


It plagues every single one of us.
From our single days when we are waiting on God to bring us that romantic relationship we are looking for.
The days of long distance relationships, where we miss that significant other so much it hurts.
The days of engagement where we feel as though our wedding day can't come fast enough
because then we won't have to do life alone anymore.
To the early days of marriage when life has completely changed,
the honeymoon is over and hubby goes back to work.
The days of being a mommy to small children,
where even though there is perhaps never quiet. It can still be oh so ever lonely.
Or even those days when our children grow up and leave the nest, the loneliness of an empty house.
It affects us all. Wherever we find ourselves. 


I definitely didn't set out this morning to share these thoughts, but as I was reading my devotional this morning, the Lord laid this topic on my heart.
No matter where we find ourselves, we battle loneliness.
It doesn't go away as our life circumstances change.
But God can really use these times of loneliness if we let Him.


Jesus often went away to seek His father.
To spend time alone with Him, being refreshed and ready to do what His father asked of Him (see Luke 5).
When we're alone with God, we hear His voice more clearly.
Moments of loneliness may in fact not be a bad thing.
They could be gifts from the Lord,
times when we are able to get away from the distractions of the world and seek him without hindrances.

'Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.'

{1 Peter 4:10-11}

Even when we are lonely, God calls us to serve others.
Everyday we encounter people who are hurting and need to hear of the Lord's love for them.
By serving others we even take our eyes of our own situation and instead focus on others. 
The best way to battle loneliness, serving. 


But its also important to remember that no matter where we find ourselves in life friends! Whether we have broken dreams or feel we don't have anyone to turn to in life. We have Him, who promises to meet all our emotional and social needs. He is dependable and will do exactly as He promises!
So as we change our attitude from looking inward and feeling sorry for ourselves, to being grateful we have time to spend with God and looking to reach out to others in need.....there we find the way to battle loneliness.

And honestly, I'm beginning to think life is all about those little moments where we struggle and grow. Not about the moments which we always long for.

{Image from google, edited by me}

I'm clinging to this beautiful truth today friends, would you like to join me? 

Much Love,

L

Where do you find your worth?

{Via}

I don't know how many of you ladies have had the opportunity to watch

 (or read if you are a book-lover) The Help. 

I watched it when it came to redbox with a precious friend when she came to visit last December

and just loved it. 

This past week, while I had no internet and felt completely pooped from all the moving and cleaning.....

I decided to watch it again.

This time the sweet interaction between Skeeter (the main character) 

and the maid from her childhood, Constantine, 

reinforced a similar thing I had read in my devotions 

(I started reading Rebecca St James Pure about a week ago).

Skeeter is feeling depressed about her school friends and mother telling her

she isn't pretty and is sitting alone in the garden.

Constantine says to her:

'I wish you'd quit feeling sorry for yourself!

Now that's ugly!' 

She goes on to tell Skeeter how everyday that you wake up in life

you have to make a decision about whether you are going

to believe what other people are saying about you.

It so resonated the message from the day two devotion I had read about 

who you let determine your worth.

As women, are we basing our value on what others think of us? 

Do we spend all our time making ourselves beautiful because of

how others will respond to us? Do we behave a certain way to win the respect

of those whose opinion we value?

Do we let other people's negative comments about us get us down?

Do we hear those comments and opinions above what our precious heavenly Father thinks of us?

There are a few people in my life who I would love to have positive opinions about

me. But to what extend should I want those opinions?

I certainly don't think I should change who the Lord has made me and change

the ways He is using in ministry just to seem better to a select few.

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? 

Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.

And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 

So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

[Matthew 10:29-31]

I am not trying to preach a self-worth message, I am just talking about seeing

oneself with God-worth (not self-worth).

Choosing to believe the Lord's truths about yourself instead of trying to win the approval

and respect of others to find worth.

{via}

I hope to never live life with a sense that God is disappointed in me,

that I will never be good enough.

But instead to choose to believe His truth.

That I am loved and secure in Him.

I belong to Him.

I am accepted and cherished - By Him.


Remember that there is one person whose opinion matters.
He has already told you what He thinks of you.
(Read the Bible to know more...)


Don't base your opinion of yourself on false or conditional love from others.
You are not more important to Him because of what you do or don't
do for others.
Don't get so wrapped up in selfishness that you can't see beyond yourself
to see who you are in Christ.
(Yes, that is possible....)


You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 
Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, 
though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. 
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: 
While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
[Romans 5:6-8]

{Via}


Remember ladies.....

The Lord loves You.
He wants to spend time with You
(even if it feels like no-one else wants to).
He values You.
He won't exclude You.
He understands You & Cherishes You.

Know that you are Loved by the Lord.


Where do you find your worth?



Much Love,
L

P.S. I hope to be back now with regular internet =) Thanks for being awesome hosts for my guest posters.

Allowing God to Satisfy.

When I was thirteen, I couldn't wait to be kissed. 

It sounded so exciting and so grown up.

Not to mention that everyone else in middle school had started pairing off into relationships, well as much as those were 'relationships.' 

Suddenly who was kissing who became a really hot topic among the girls I was friends with. 

I was really frustrated with the fact that no boy was interested in me enough to want to kiss me back then. 

When I was sixteen, the feelings of wanting to be kissed intensified. 

I began to question whether I was normal or desirable because no boy had even tried to get close to me romantically. I watched friends all around me enter into what seemed (at the time) such beautiful romantic relationships. I thought if I finally had a guy who liked me back, I would be normal and complete. Then there would be someone who was exclusively mine.

We are totally made with this desire for companionship.

A desire to be known by another romantically and intimately.

I struggled in high school with feeling lonely and hopeless. I was single but it certainly wasn't by choice back then.

I had accepted Christ as my Savior at a young age, 

and even rededicated my life back to him at thirteen. 

I was still growing in my relationship with the Lord, but I had yet to grasp an important concept. 

The problem was I was looking for identity and fulfillment in all the wrong places.

My soul felt lonely and I had thought that a relationship with a guy my own age would fill that hole. I thought that a special relationship was what I needed to complete that loneliness and emptiness deep within me. 

Then I wouldn't feel those negative feelings anymore, I would fit in with all the other girls my age.

Truth is I did need a relationship, just not the kind I thought.

I needed my completeness to come from the Only One who would ever be able to give it to me.

Jesus.

Only He loves perfectly.

'No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, 

nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, 

nor anything else in all creation, 

will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.'

Romans 8:37-39 

'In this the love of God was made manifest among us, 

that God sent his only Son into the world, 

so that we might live through him. 

In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us 

and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 

Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.'

1 John 4:9-11 

Only He never fails me.

See entire of Psalm 136 here.

'Even youths grow tired and weary,

    and young men stumble and fall; 

but those who hope in the Lord

    will renew their strength. 

They will soar on wings like eagles; 

    they will run and not grow weary,

    they will walk and not be faint.'

{Isaiah 40:31-31}

Only He is with me always me.

'Where can I go from your Spirit?

    Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

    if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me, 

    your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me

    and the light become night around me,”

even the darkness will not be dark to you;

    the night will shine like the day,

    for darkness is as light to you.'

{Psalm 139:7-12} 

As I grew older, I understood these beautiful truths more and more. The more I learnt these, the more He began to satisfy me. I came to realize that I am only complete when I seek Jesus to fill me and satisfy.

This is truth regardless of a relationship with a significant other.

Graciously the Lord began to teach these truths to me toward the end of my high school years.

Those days of loneliness served a wonderful purpose of turning me to the one who then captured my heart forever.

He began to show me in my senior year of high school and the year that followed, that He is the one I need to run to, no-one else.

Believe me when I tell you girls, I tried to look elsewhere for a long time.

I tried going to a guy I liked, I tried looking to my friends for comfort and fulfillment, I tried running to my parents for the love and affection I was craving, I tried in the relationship with my sister. 

Slowly God stripped all of those relationships away as I transitioned from living at home to living in a different city, a different country and went to college.

The summer of 2006 He truly got through to me, that He alone had to satisfy.

He paved a way for me to go on two different mission trips that summer and revealed his love to me in more ways than I can even remember.

He placed new people in my life who truly encouraged me and pointed me to Christ.

He started the process of learning (and sometimes relearning) that He is enough.

A lesson that is far from over.

He was enough when I felt I had lost my best friend for good after I moved back to England.

He was enough when I struggled and felt depressed because the pain from having my whole life changed was unbearable.

He was enough when I found myself in India unsure of the purpose of my presence.

He was enough when I felt Him call me on a trip to Africa which was due to depart in six days.

He was enough when I felt I would never find godly friends at college.

He was enough when my finances became a sudden mess, and financial support I thought I would receive fell through.

And when I thought through it all that I would never again be happy, He was enough.

He began to satisfy me fully.

To help me see that no other relationship in my life would ever be able to make me feel the way He could.

He filled that feeling of loneliness completely.

He filled the feelings of emptiness.

I see now as a married woman that this was an incredibly valuable lesson.

Loving my husband is only possible because of Christ's Love for me. As precious as my God-given marriage relationship is, I am never satisfied completely except through Jesus.

That significant person given to you will never satisfy you the way Jesus can.

They aren't supposed to.

Relationships in my life go so much smoother when my relationship with Jesus is being given the attention and intimacy it needs. When I am investing my time and energy into getting to know my prince, I don't look to my husband or friends for completeness.

When I do seek that love from others....they fail me.

Because they aren't able to love me the way He does.

Just as I can't perfectly love them in return.

I'm so glad now that Jesus broke my heart during those single years.

Because He pieced it back together and revealed to me my utter dependence on Him.

There is no perfect husband.

No perfect fiance.

No perfect boyfriend.

No perfect date.

Except for the one who creates them.

And he loves you.

Imagine that.

Much Love,

L 

How Do I pursue Christ in the Relationship Situation I am in?

Wow. I can't believe the wisdom and thought that has gone into these posts, I am so thankful to you four ladies for hosting and posting on a topic as important as this. It has been wonderful to hear your thoughts and hearts for this topic and to be encouraged in the process. This is what I love most about blogging.

This topic is an interesting one for me, as you probably gathered from my purity and waiting post earlier in the week (read here). The Lord cultivated my heart for encouraging others in their singleness many years ago. The joy I have in sharing my thoughts and encouragement with someone in this topic has only increased as my relationship status has changed.


In high school, when I was single, I struggled.
Then the Lord brought an interest into my life.
Then I was single again for a while. Then he brought that same guy back into my life who then pursued me and became my husband.
So all that say, I feel I have walked through many of the different relationship paths even though I am now in that (often coveted) marriage relationship. So I love to encourage other women as I have walked many paths even though they may be different from your own.


These past two years of marriage have been such an adjustment in so many areas of my life. Also with my heart for encouraging single girls. You see slowly the Lord has removed my influence in this area. But the heart for young girls and their pursuit of the Lord has not disappeared.

I think honestly it's hard to pursue Christ no matter what relationship status you currently find the Lord has you in. I think you spend a lifetime learning about and pursuing Christ, regardless of your relationship status. A lot of the ways you pursue Him will be similar regardless of your love life.


A lot of things about pursuing Christ have not changed since my single days:

• Reading my bible ~ the main way I find to learn more about who God is
• Praying (either alone or with other people)
• Fasting (I really need to do this more than I do)
• Sharing with others ~ accountability with people. Letting them in so they can speak truth into your life.
• Going to church & having fellowship with other Believers
• Listening to sermons during the week for teaching & encouragement
• Reading good christian literature
• Listening to worship music in my car ~ This makes me so much more content as I start my workday by driving and singing along with music. {Britt Nicole's album Gold has been on repeat for weeks now.}
• Just spending time with the Lord ~ While I was single, I had several 'dates' with the Lord. Where I would purposely seem to be by myself at dinner or out so that I could be with Him during those moments. Like you would spend time with someone in any other relationship. 

Other things have changed since I got married two years ago:

• Praying with the hubby ~ now something that we strive imperfectly to do together.
• Talking about or sharing sermons with my husband.
• Reading good books with my husband.
• Balance in spending time alone with God and spending time with the Lord together with the husband ~ requires a lot more balance and effort than those single days.

A lot of the struggles I dealt with while single have in fact disappeared or been resolved. But they have been replaced with different ones with marriage.

Instead of feeling lonely, I now struggle to try and prioritize spending time alone with God and trying to be purposeful in setting aside time to spend with my husband pursuing God together.

Rather than finding discontentment with not being in a relationship, engaged or married....I now find that I could easily be discontent with feeling my marriage should be better or we should have children by now. 

It has definitely been an eye-opener while being married to see that it seems the 'grass is greener' on the other side. While single I was desperate to be married and pursuing the Lord together with my husband. Often now I realize how much easier it was to pursue the Lord while single as I didn't have to do that as well as spend time together with my husband pursuing God. 

Regardless of where you find yourself in your relationship status ladies....I hope you glean wisdom from the posts of this wonderful linkup and grow in learning how to pursue Christ and trust Him with where you are at. 

As Paul said:

'I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things.'

(Philippians 3:8)

Hope you have been encouraged and continue to pursue the Lord with all your heart.

Whether you are single. Dating. Engaged. Or married.

Much Love,

L

[Letters on the Power of Words: Part 2] Venting.

 

Dear Younger Version of Myself,

In light of the content of the first part of this series on the power of words,

I wanted to take a moment to look at venting. 

(If you haven’t yet read part one about being an encourager with words....read it here.)

Venting is such a funny concept. 

I feel it is one that in the past I have used as an excuse for saying exactly what I what 

about a situation or a person, 

unfiltered and totally raw left open for the other person to process and interpret. 

I am beginning to feel the Lord changing my heart on this. 

Because the way I abused it in the past was far from how He would want me to use my words.

Speech is incredibly important, 

as I discussed in the last letter. 

And as much as we should seek to encourage others with our words, 

we do also get frustrated with things in life. 

So should we bottle this up and pretent it doesn’t exsist?

Over time the Lord has been revealing to me that the answer is No. 

He always longs to hear the things on my heart, 

to hear what I am struggling with.

He knows me better than anyone else, for He made me. 

He knows my thoughts already and still chooses to love me.

 Read that again slowly....crazy isn’t it!

'You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.'

(psalm 139:1-3)

How can we discern He wants to hear what is on our heart or what we are struggling with when He already knows those thoughts? We can discern this from verses which talk about His character and those which show His interest in us.

'For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth 

to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him.'

(2 Chronicles 16:9)

By praying and sharing things with the Lord, 

we involve Him in what is occurring in our everyday life. 

We invite Him to become involved. 

Prayer changes us, not God. 

We need Him, not the other way around.

'God does not change. God is a perfect God, and does not need to change.'

(Malachi 3:6)

 

When we seek Him, He changes us. 

He changes our heart and therefore we are able to graciously love others and speak kind words about others. 

Even in hard situations. 

For a few years now (yes, I have struggled to learn this concept) the Lord has been impressing in my heart that He should be the first place I go when I am frustrated or hurt or just feel the need to vent.

Also to remember that feeling a need to vent is not ungodly.

Hurt and anger are not sinful emotions.

How we then act determines whether they have lead to sin or been used to refine our character.

‘For everything there is a season,
    a time for every activity under heaven....... A time to tear and a time to mend.
    A time to be quiet and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate.
    A time for war and a time for peace.’

(Ecclesiastes 3:1,7-8)

While we are called to Him first, 

we are also commanded by the bible to live in community with others.

This involves being genuine, sharing struggles and areas of weakness. 

This is where I feel ‘venting’ comes in.

 But with it a caution to talk with the purpose of useful discussion of situations and not just complaining to other people. 

‘Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, 

you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently.

 But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. 

 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.’ 

(Galatians 6:1-2)

‘Only as I depend on and trust in and fully disclose to the One who knows 

anyway will I be able to discern when I’m fine-ing someone who deserves genuine. 

We don’t have to tell everyone how we are doing.

 In fact, that would be a problem all by itself,

 trying to be intimate and vulnerable with everyone. 

But it is important that we tell someone. 

A lot of my own heartache and struggles with the fake fine mask could be overcome 

if I simple allowed myself to be honest with God and trust Him to lead me in being vulnerable with people.’

~Emily Freeman, Grace for the Good girl, p.56

Personally I totally agree it would be inappropriate, and not encouraging to others, 

if I told everyone I met when I have an issue with someone. 

When I am struggling...I feel it is totally appropriate to share what is going on with a few wise trusted friends so that we can avoid the pitfalls of pride in conflict. 

Pretending everything is fine can also give us a false sense of self-righteousness.....

we feel our side of a conflict is the correct side and don’t have anyone else to correct or show us otherwise if we never share our struggles. 

These few trusted individuals in my life have been carefully selected. 

There is no point in going to someone who will always tell me what I want to hear, 

as nice as that can be. 

The ladies currently in my life are precious!! 

They are totally invaluable at praying for me, 

correcting my attitude when necessary, encouraging me and pointing me to Jesus. 

A would also like to add that tone is important in this kind of conversation, 

as it shares whether you are complaining about someone or sharing struggles and situations for the purpose of prayer, encouragement or correction/advice. 

(You should listen to him L, he is often the one you turn to for these conversations)

I realise giving someone that kind of access to your feelings and heart is very scary. 

It has definitely meant I have had to share some ugly sin about myself with someone else. 

But it has also corrected my view of myself and weakened my pride, 

which although painful is good.

It also continues to show me that I am never without need of my Saviour.

My sin highlights my need for grace.

For that, I am thankful.

Much Love,

L

hairband: SweetnessItself
earrings: f21 (a few seasons ago)
top: Plato's Closet
Belt: Aeropostale
Jeans: Aeropostale
Earrings: Birthday gift
flip-flops: Payless Shoes
Bag: American Eagle Outfitters

Joy in Storms.

The natural flow of life, 

the ups & downs, 

are all a wonderful part of what shapes us and moulds us. 

'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, 

who have been called according to his purpose.'

{Romans 8:28}

A wise pastor once told me, during a time of great difficulty in my life,
 to pray that God would make me content with the trials in my life.

For those trials although difficult, were teaching me and growing me SO much.

To really see those challenges as a refining process.

To understand that comfortable should not be my goal in life.

'Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,  

whenever you face trials of many kinds,  

 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.   

Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, 

not lacking anything.'

{James 1:2-4} 

This can be such a hard concept when you are are in the midst of struggles and difficult situations.

I was hurt this past week by the action of another. 

My natural reaction was to try and hurt them back.

But as I have continued to pray and release it to God, the feelings of anger & bitterness have disappeared instead of taking root.

I have been able to respond lovingly in several situations despite previously wanting to hurt them in response.

This could only have been the Lord in my life.

Even though nothing is resolved in this situation or even remotely close to how I wish it would be, I find myself seeing good. Seeing an awareness of how to truly love others and deal with conflict. I feel the Lord continually speaking to me about these things.

How to be genuine.

Speak truth in Love.

Pour myself out for others.

Even when the response hurts.

I am continually pointed back to the cross.

Then so thankful.

I have had my eyes opened to see how Christ loves me even when my responses to Him are hurtful.

How much He still loves me.

He never gives up on me.

He continues to care.

How He loves.

 'Love is patient, love is kind. 

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,

 it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.....'
{1 Cor 13:4-8} 



My flesh hates this lesson because most of my life, I have graciously had friendship reciprocated.
Given love to others and had it given back.
And the older I get, the more I am learning this is a beautiful gift.
We can't control how people choose to treat us in return.

We shouldn't give love only to get it back in return.
This is a hard concept especially if like me, you like to be liked and treated nicely in return for love you give to others. 
But it's totally self-seeking to love in this way.
The only person I am truly loving in that situation is myself, because I want to be loved by others. That's my motivation for my actions.
Not genuine love for others.


I'm not saying we need to be doormats and continually hurt by friendships which are unhealthy. 
But we should really pray for those people. As well as keep our hearts open to relationship in the future should things be different. 
Continue to do whatever the Lord asks of us in order to pursue healthy relationship.
 Only with the Lord's help will this be possible.
Because it truly is SO hard.

May we continue to see our differences as beautiful expressions of God's grace rather than an excuse to not try and get along. 
Or conclude we are too different to make the effort.


I want to remember that although they are a sinner.
I am too.
That I am loved by God.
They are too.
And we are called to love as He does.


'Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. 
Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.  
Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.  
This is how God showed his love among us: 
He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 
 This is love: not that we loved God, 
but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.  
Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.  
No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, 
God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.' 
{1 John 4:7-12}

I don't know the details of your life situations, just like there are only one or two who know the details of mine......but know that I am cheering you on in your trials, girls! 
If we were having an intimate conversation, I would encourage you to keep pursuing the Lord.
Keeping seeking for His heart for others! 
Keep wanting that sacrificial love for others, even when its hard.
 Keep wanting Christ to be known. 


Life is about more than comfort.
There is great joy to be found in seeing good in a storm.

{via}

 

{via} 

 Much Love,
L
  

Photo credit: Louise Randall (unless otherwise stated) 
Pictures of me and my besties in college.

--------------------------------

I have decided to discontinue the {On My Heart} mondays series because with a few exceptions, 
most of my posts have taken on this tone.
So my whole blog is now sharing my heart & the things the Lord is teaching me.
Hope it encourages.