a heart slowly romanced.

I started making my way through a blog everyday a month challenge back in February, well you can see how well I did. Oops. I guess these days I have more time to just work through things here in this space slowly. we are in the middle of moving again after all, but that's a good thing and a whole different story. So anyway the first prompt was on your story/testimony which I wrote several years ago and thought I would share again. 

Many years ago, I sat in the pew of the church shaking a little as I listened to my summer camp group leader talk about what it meant to love Jesus. What it meant to become a ‘christian.’ I read through the little booklet in my hand and wondered what there was to question as I understood the bullet points it had.

• I believed that I had done bad things in my life
• I believed that God was perfect
• I Believed Jesus had died on the cross for me to restore relationship with God as I had done these bad things and they prevented me from being in right standing with Him
• I wanted my life to change, to live my life for Jesus instead of me

I told my leader I wanted to pray the prayer that followed as I understood and wanted to make the commitment. I tried to make it not a big deal, but I sensed there was something big happening. She prayed with me and together we signed a date. 

I was only six years old at the time.

I was so fortunate to have grown up in a Christian home. I had two parents who introduced me to Jesus very young, took me to church and youth group. They were pretty strict about the upbringing of me and my sister and showed us we were loved. I never doubted the existence of God as a child, He was real to me. Looking back, I believe that I really did understand all those bullet points in the little booklet at six years old. But I still did not understand that last one. I signed that booklet and yet continued on as though everything was the same.

It wasn't until I was thirteen and realizing how much I had tried to live life in junior high for my friends and for the acceptance of those around me, that I truly started to understand the concept of living for Jesus. 

That daily choice of choosing to do something to show His love to someone, instead of doing something because it makes me look good.

So one night during worship at youth group in a new city, with new people all around me, in a new place...this realization came to me and I signed a commitment to rededicate my life to Christ. 

To Live for Him this time instead of me. 

At first it was effort to worry less about what people thought, to walk down the halls of my high school and realize that as long as I was following Jesus, I probably would not be popular here. 

And over time that became ok. I had found something better.

The Lord gave me an incredible sense of His love and peace. He brought friends into my life who shared my love for Him, friends who encouraged me and challenged me to grow in my walk with Him. Not many of these in my school setting.

Finally after a relationship with a guy that I desperately wanted to happen didn't work out towards the end of high school, I began to truly fall in love with Jesus. I began to no longer see him as just a good friend or a father figure to rely and depend on. I began to see Him as my first love. I made a commitment in college to read through the entire Bible, and His word came alive to me during those days as I read about his faithfulness in the Old Testament and his love through the sacrifice of His son in the New Testament. Graciously I even read through the book of Numbers and came away in awe of God and His character. If you've ever read that particular book of the Bible, you’ll see how that must have been a God thing. 

The more I read about Him, the more I understood who He is. He became an incredible constant in my life, a foundation for my understanding of love. Even though once again I was surrounded by people who didn't know Him and didn't love Him, the Lord provided several people to encourage me, to challenge me....often these sweet friends were in a different geographical location to me. 

To this day, I am thankful for that challenging situation where a relationship with a guy I truly wanted, didn't work out. (At least not in my timing)

Because God had bigger plans, plans to show me how much He loved me first. Living life for Him is hard, but we don’t have to do it alone.

So friends, if I could encourage you in any way today. I would want you to know that no matter what situation you find yourself in, there is a person waiting to comfort you. He knows you and loves you so much! 

(see what he thinks of you)

Run into His arms and begin to fall in love. You won’t ever regret that decision.

Girl Behind the Blog - Your Non-Blogging Passion

The Girl Behind The Blog- Your Non-Blogging Passion

Time limit: Vlogs should be 2-3 minutes long

What topic could get you talking for hours, if someone asked you to share?

What are your hobbies and passions that you might not talk about often on your blog?

Is there a reason you shy away from sharing this passion on your blog?

Things have been SO crazy over here for us this week.

But we finally have our new place all lined up for next month woop woop! 

Which we signed a year long lease for. So I'm thankful that even though we will be seeing boxes around here again really soon, after this month I hopefully won't see any for a while! =) 

So with that said, I am a little late linking up this week to the Girl Behind the Blog video linkup.

I apologize for my messy I-just-played-softball-after-church hair and would love it if you guys would check out my purpose project happenings with the Mocha Club which I talk about as one of my passions in the vlog.

It is what I am ALL about this month! As I am SO desperately passionate about providing for three orphans, but I need your help! 

So awesome the way this topic tied in so nicely with the goings-on for April round here!

Project Introduction

Sharing a Little More

>>Donate Here<<

Love you guys and can't wait to go see all the other videos now.

I purposely didn't watch any before making mine so that I could honestly answer the questions haha!

Much Love!

L

Telling our Stories.

{Via} (edited by me)

My heart breaks as I watch the opening scenes. An unwanted child, the image of him crying himself to sleep after overhearing yet another family doesn't want him in their home. Seeing him wander the streets alone at night. Finding it unbearable that his idea of a good evening is finding a woman leaving her laundry unattended at the launderette so he can have clean clothes the following day. 

I rejoice in seeing a women obediently open her home after seeing a teenager in need. I laugh at how he forms friendships with their children and shares jokes with the family. 

I feel deeply the story, with all its ups, successes and cry with the sadder parts. It moves me, provokes me to think about the struggles of inner city kids, possibly even going on but a mile from my own home. 

We watched the Blind Side. 

I couldn't help but recognize how the Lord must have been beautifully wrecking the lives of this family. How their story came from obedience to what the Lord was leading.

How they could have just ignored that small nudge and minded their own business, leaving a teenager's well-being to someone else. 

How they would have missed out on so much if they had. 

I wonder how many people have been touched by this one family's story, how God has spoken to people through their example. 

This is why we tell our stories. Our testimonies.

We share how God is at work in us, what He is breaking our hearts for and how we are struggling through this process of having our hearts broken. Through our struggles and victories as we do life together, we see a picture of redemption and grace when we seek after Jesus.

We see Him in the mess of our lives. In the mess of the lives of others. 

Most of the story which inspired the Blind Side movie probably felt like a mess to the family that walked through those trials and victories. The challenges they faced probably felt like mountains at times. 

Yet they didn't keep quiet about it all.

They shared their story, how God was at work in their family, and I am sure He is using it. 

Each of us has a story, because each of us has God at work in our individual situations. Through broken relationships, marriages, parenting, struggling with singleness, struggling with eating-disorders. Our own individual situation, our own mess. 

And we each have a choice. We can choose to be vulnerable, to live in community with others and share how God is at work in the mess. Or we can be silent. 

It is totally scary to put ourselves out there and share our stories. Often there will be people who criticize us for doing it. 

But lets keep shining for Him. Lets not keep silent about how He is at work. 

Because that is how He can use us to touch lives. 

This sweet spirit is so inspiring to me in sharing how God is at work and still protecting sacredness within her family. She continually says she is just sharing her story. 

And God continually uses it to touch others. How you can see Jesus at work in her family. It is beautiful. 

I may even share more of my own story later this week. 

What do you guys think?

Much Love,

L

[Letters on the Power of Words: Part 2] Venting.

 

Dear Younger Version of Myself,

In light of the content of the first part of this series on the power of words,

I wanted to take a moment to look at venting. 

(If you haven’t yet read part one about being an encourager with words....read it here.)

Venting is such a funny concept. 

I feel it is one that in the past I have used as an excuse for saying exactly what I what 

about a situation or a person, 

unfiltered and totally raw left open for the other person to process and interpret. 

I am beginning to feel the Lord changing my heart on this. 

Because the way I abused it in the past was far from how He would want me to use my words.

Speech is incredibly important, 

as I discussed in the last letter. 

And as much as we should seek to encourage others with our words, 

we do also get frustrated with things in life. 

So should we bottle this up and pretent it doesn’t exsist?

Over time the Lord has been revealing to me that the answer is No. 

He always longs to hear the things on my heart, 

to hear what I am struggling with.

He knows me better than anyone else, for He made me. 

He knows my thoughts already and still chooses to love me.

 Read that again slowly....crazy isn’t it!

'You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.'

(psalm 139:1-3)

How can we discern He wants to hear what is on our heart or what we are struggling with when He already knows those thoughts? We can discern this from verses which talk about His character and those which show His interest in us.

'For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth 

to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him.'

(2 Chronicles 16:9)

By praying and sharing things with the Lord, 

we involve Him in what is occurring in our everyday life. 

We invite Him to become involved. 

Prayer changes us, not God. 

We need Him, not the other way around.

'God does not change. God is a perfect God, and does not need to change.'

(Malachi 3:6)

 

When we seek Him, He changes us. 

He changes our heart and therefore we are able to graciously love others and speak kind words about others. 

Even in hard situations. 

For a few years now (yes, I have struggled to learn this concept) the Lord has been impressing in my heart that He should be the first place I go when I am frustrated or hurt or just feel the need to vent.

Also to remember that feeling a need to vent is not ungodly.

Hurt and anger are not sinful emotions.

How we then act determines whether they have lead to sin or been used to refine our character.

‘For everything there is a season,
    a time for every activity under heaven....... A time to tear and a time to mend.
    A time to be quiet and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate.
    A time for war and a time for peace.’

(Ecclesiastes 3:1,7-8)

While we are called to Him first, 

we are also commanded by the bible to live in community with others.

This involves being genuine, sharing struggles and areas of weakness. 

This is where I feel ‘venting’ comes in.

 But with it a caution to talk with the purpose of useful discussion of situations and not just complaining to other people. 

‘Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, 

you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently.

 But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. 

 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.’ 

(Galatians 6:1-2)

‘Only as I depend on and trust in and fully disclose to the One who knows 

anyway will I be able to discern when I’m fine-ing someone who deserves genuine. 

We don’t have to tell everyone how we are doing.

 In fact, that would be a problem all by itself,

 trying to be intimate and vulnerable with everyone. 

But it is important that we tell someone. 

A lot of my own heartache and struggles with the fake fine mask could be overcome 

if I simple allowed myself to be honest with God and trust Him to lead me in being vulnerable with people.’

~Emily Freeman, Grace for the Good girl, p.56

Personally I totally agree it would be inappropriate, and not encouraging to others, 

if I told everyone I met when I have an issue with someone. 

When I am struggling...I feel it is totally appropriate to share what is going on with a few wise trusted friends so that we can avoid the pitfalls of pride in conflict. 

Pretending everything is fine can also give us a false sense of self-righteousness.....

we feel our side of a conflict is the correct side and don’t have anyone else to correct or show us otherwise if we never share our struggles. 

These few trusted individuals in my life have been carefully selected. 

There is no point in going to someone who will always tell me what I want to hear, 

as nice as that can be. 

The ladies currently in my life are precious!! 

They are totally invaluable at praying for me, 

correcting my attitude when necessary, encouraging me and pointing me to Jesus. 

A would also like to add that tone is important in this kind of conversation, 

as it shares whether you are complaining about someone or sharing struggles and situations for the purpose of prayer, encouragement or correction/advice. 

(You should listen to him L, he is often the one you turn to for these conversations)

I realise giving someone that kind of access to your feelings and heart is very scary. 

It has definitely meant I have had to share some ugly sin about myself with someone else. 

But it has also corrected my view of myself and weakened my pride, 

which although painful is good.

It also continues to show me that I am never without need of my Saviour.

My sin highlights my need for grace.

For that, I am thankful.

Much Love,

L

hairband: SweetnessItself
earrings: f21 (a few seasons ago)
top: Plato's Closet
Belt: Aeropostale
Jeans: Aeropostale
Earrings: Birthday gift
flip-flops: Payless Shoes
Bag: American Eagle Outfitters

{On My Heart} Mondays. [Part 4: Loving Each other]

Loving each other is just so hard, isn't it?

So often we find ourselves being hurt by people who we know love us, or hurting other people without meaning to. 

We love so imperfectly, even the people who are most dear to us.

It can be so easy though to focus on ourselves in these situations, 

which in my experience can be such a huge part of the problem. 

Being married has certainly opened my eyes to a whole new side of myself which I never saw much. I never had someone living so closely with me, able to see the whole of me or the way I lived.

The little annoying habits which no-one noticed before, like leaving dirty clothes by the side of the bed when getting into it, or letting the dishes stack up until they absolutely must be done or waiting until I have no clean clothes before doing any laundry (you get the idea). 

There were so many little habits and patterns I had developed either at home or college which never affected anyone else before. 

My room was always my space.

No-one else was taken into consideration when I thought about what I did in my room.

I didn't purposefully choose to think this way, I just did it naturally.

So what happens when my room becomes our room.

I began to see how I had allowed selfishness to creep into my life in small places, 

and even justified it.

In times when I feel most frustrated at A, I usually find that its because I am distant in my relationship with God.

When I am close to God, it is so much easier to make allowances for others.

It is also easier to think less of myself and more of others when my relationship with Him is good.

Suddenly not being invited by a group of friends to go somewhere doesn't feel like such a big deal.

Because in the majority of these situations, people were not trying to be mean.

Our sinful nature is just naturally...selfish.

We don't naturally think about including others.

We don't think about how we may have hurt someone.

Ourselves is what our default mode says is important to us.

I realised recently that if I keep this in my mind when dealing with hurt from people, I find it so much easier to forgive & forget without even having to talk about it.

There is no need to deal with a conflict because I can easily overlook the offense.

This frees myself up to spend time thinking about more important things, not doing the typical girl thing and dwelling on it for hours, analysing every word of a conversation. 

(You know what I'm talking about right?)

I have been slowly learning this over the past 18 months we have been married 

(yep....18 months today!!!).

I have come across several bible verses which have been so helpful & super challenging!! 

 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.  

 Be devoted to one another in love. 

Honor one another above yourselves. 

Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. 

Practice hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 

Live in harmony with one another. 

Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.

Do not be conceited.

 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. 

Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

{Romans 12: 9-17} 

I was reading this and feeling so convicted about honoring others above myself.

Do I really consider others to be above myself?

As well as learning to rejoice with those who are rejoicing?

Well that one is tough, Lord! 

What if someone has what we are waiting on Him for?

A relationship, recently engaged, married, expecting a precious little one.

From my own experiences, I have found that if I show I am happy for someone (even if I don't feel it right away)....my fickle heart will usually follow.

  

Then I find I am geniunely happy for them.

So friends, let us continue to aim to live by the words of Paul in Philippians when he writes:

Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, 

loving one another, 

and working together with one mind and purpose.

 Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. 

Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.

Don’t look out only for your own interests, 

but take an interest in others, too. 

{Philippians 2:2-4}

Here's to living life learning how to love one another genuinely! 

Much Love,

L