a heart slowly romanced.

I started making my way through a blog everyday a month challenge back in February, well you can see how well I did. Oops. I guess these days I have more time to just work through things here in this space slowly. we are in the middle of moving again after all, but that's a good thing and a whole different story. So anyway the first prompt was on your story/testimony which I wrote several years ago and thought I would share again. 

Many years ago, I sat in the pew of the church shaking a little as I listened to my summer camp group leader talk about what it meant to love Jesus. What it meant to become a ‘christian.’ I read through the little booklet in my hand and wondered what there was to question as I understood the bullet points it had.

• I believed that I had done bad things in my life
• I believed that God was perfect
• I Believed Jesus had died on the cross for me to restore relationship with God as I had done these bad things and they prevented me from being in right standing with Him
• I wanted my life to change, to live my life for Jesus instead of me

I told my leader I wanted to pray the prayer that followed as I understood and wanted to make the commitment. I tried to make it not a big deal, but I sensed there was something big happening. She prayed with me and together we signed a date. 

I was only six years old at the time.

I was so fortunate to have grown up in a Christian home. I had two parents who introduced me to Jesus very young, took me to church and youth group. They were pretty strict about the upbringing of me and my sister and showed us we were loved. I never doubted the existence of God as a child, He was real to me. Looking back, I believe that I really did understand all those bullet points in the little booklet at six years old. But I still did not understand that last one. I signed that booklet and yet continued on as though everything was the same.

It wasn't until I was thirteen and realizing how much I had tried to live life in junior high for my friends and for the acceptance of those around me, that I truly started to understand the concept of living for Jesus. 

That daily choice of choosing to do something to show His love to someone, instead of doing something because it makes me look good.

So one night during worship at youth group in a new city, with new people all around me, in a new place...this realization came to me and I signed a commitment to rededicate my life to Christ. 

To Live for Him this time instead of me. 

At first it was effort to worry less about what people thought, to walk down the halls of my high school and realize that as long as I was following Jesus, I probably would not be popular here. 

And over time that became ok. I had found something better.

The Lord gave me an incredible sense of His love and peace. He brought friends into my life who shared my love for Him, friends who encouraged me and challenged me to grow in my walk with Him. Not many of these in my school setting.

Finally after a relationship with a guy that I desperately wanted to happen didn't work out towards the end of high school, I began to truly fall in love with Jesus. I began to no longer see him as just a good friend or a father figure to rely and depend on. I began to see Him as my first love. I made a commitment in college to read through the entire Bible, and His word came alive to me during those days as I read about his faithfulness in the Old Testament and his love through the sacrifice of His son in the New Testament. Graciously I even read through the book of Numbers and came away in awe of God and His character. If you've ever read that particular book of the Bible, you’ll see how that must have been a God thing. 

The more I read about Him, the more I understood who He is. He became an incredible constant in my life, a foundation for my understanding of love. Even though once again I was surrounded by people who didn't know Him and didn't love Him, the Lord provided several people to encourage me, to challenge me....often these sweet friends were in a different geographical location to me. 

To this day, I am thankful for that challenging situation where a relationship with a guy I truly wanted, didn't work out. (At least not in my timing)

Because God had bigger plans, plans to show me how much He loved me first. Living life for Him is hard, but we don’t have to do it alone.

So friends, if I could encourage you in any way today. I would want you to know that no matter what situation you find yourself in, there is a person waiting to comfort you. He knows you and loves you so much! 

(see what he thinks of you)

Run into His arms and begin to fall in love. You won’t ever regret that decision.

Write your Story on my Heart.

{Thank you sweet Katie for taking this picture!}

You know its not just coincidence when you hear the same message/topic multiple times in many different places. So the theme the Lord has been speaking to me lately has all been on sharing our stories. You know our testimonies, stories of ways He has worked in our lives. How He has walked each of us through so many different struggles, experiences and seasons. Yet we all have these incredible testimonies of how He has been or is at work in our lives. 

When we let it, that can be such a gift to share with others. Used for encouragement, sympathy and leaving people with the knowledge that we don't struggle alone whatever we are facing. Each of us battles different things, but there are others who have walked similar paths.

It is so encouraging when we encounter those who are further ahead than we are in a particular season or struggle in life. While at Hope Spoken last weekend, I had the blessing of meeting such a sweet woman. I hadn't given a ton of thought as to which sessions I would listen to when we had our breakout sessions and got to listen in to several willing ladies share their stories of how the Lord has worked some crazy things into their lives. And loved how the Lord's hand was so evident in each of their stories.

When I sat through Danielle's session, I was captured by her words as she let her story unfold for us. Then came the ugly cry in the middle of a hotel ballroom. Just the reminder that grace is there for each of us no matter what we face. That redemption comes when we are willing participants in the plans He has for us. That some seasons may feel excruciatingly painful, but they have a divine purpose as He allows them to happen. Nothing is wasted with Him. No experience is just unnecessary trauma, but rather it is often woven into our life for a purpose we may never know or simply to conform us more into His image.

And if sweet Danielle had not been brave and stepped up allowing the Lord to use her story to touch the hearts of those women in that room, I may never have seen that truth shine brightly into my own life circumstances. 

I loved this reminder last weekend, that this is why we each have stories. Several times in the past I have been told that I share too many stories with people. Yet I've always come away confused as to why you wouldn't want to hear that whoever you are talking to gets what you are saying, because they have walked something similar. I love hearing stories from others, I have so instantly felt like kindred spirits with a beautiful woman after hearing her encouragement in the form of her story. Its such a way into the depths of a person, hearing how the Lord has walked them through struggles and hearing how He has redeemed terrible situations. It gives such hope and encouragement in my own life. And it is such a blessing to be allowed into a person's life through them sharing those deep things. 

I really hope to be a good steward of the experiences He chooses to write into my life. To not just keep them to myself, but to share them with others. Even when that is hard.

But never with the intention of drawing focus to myself or to hurt others in my life, but because these stories are incredible because they have an incredible author. One whose glory is reflected in every broken relationship redeemed, every heart healed and every act of grace extended. 

How can we keep quiet about that? Why would we want to keep those things to ourselves? Don't be afraid to share what He calls you to or what He has walked you through. We are here for a purpose, to display His glory above all, that includes our experiences and stories. 
You never know who might be listening and see Him and be touched by that, all because you shared part of your story. 

//Sharing Our Stories//

I have shared about this topic before. Hints of these passions I am sharing this month are in fact shared through the pages and pages of posts found here. 


There is great release in having shared our story, having done my part by writing it here. 
That might sound strange, but its the truth right now. By sharing it, I guess the fear is no longer there. I am trusting that the Lord is able to use the story of how He brought two sinners together, for His glory.


I pray that someone out there will be encouraged, either in seeing how the Lord is able to orchestrate stories across oceans. How when He has someone for you, He will bring the two of you together.
I feel the obedience was in the sharing.
How He chooses to use it, is completely up to Him. I don't know what that will look like.
In fact, I will choose not to let my worth be found in how many pageviews the story may get in the coming days, weeks or maybe years. 
Not to let the opinions of others affect my obedience to share.


Because I will chose to trust Him who called me to share. 


And you too friend, have a story to share. You may not be married, but that's ok.
God has written many amazing stories in our lives. Not just love stories!
Stories of Him providing above and beyond, times when He did the impossible, stories of amazing supernatural healing, stories that encourage, stories that move hearts. 

Every one of us is going to live life in a different way, so our stories are all going to be unique. And the amazing grace is that we can all share our unique stories! To encourage, build up and help one another in our own journeys. 
Even if your own stories is used to touch one other person, there is a domino effect in how many people that may reach through one person. We never know how the Lord will use our stories (Ruth made the decision to go with her mother-in-law to a foreign land even though she was widowed, and the Lord used her line to bring forth His Son!)! 


So sharing stories is a passion of mine.  Encouraging others is a passion of mine.


Yet another piece of the puzzle that is my calling, my purpose, my bigger picture. 

This post is part of my 31 day series for the month of October, 
fighting through the fears and sharing the confusing passions I have. 
Hoping to figure out the bigger picture of all these interests. 

//Surrender & Falling in Love//

So with all the build up to finishing the story, here we go. Part 1 of our story is here. 

(So head over and read that first if you haven't yet.) 

So you read correctly, we said goodbye to each other.

And by no contact, that's exactly what I mean. And it wasn't just to obey A's parents, if we have wanted to continue talking we could have. No-one regulated our Skype accounts or emails or MSN (remember the msn days!). 

But we both agreed that it was a good idea, even though hard. 

An act of surrender. 

My freshman year of college was possibly the hardest year of my life to date. A was my best friend when I left the Middle East and suddenly found myself in Oxford, England. The city of dreaming spires, of education & C.S. Lewis. 

A place I would eventually learn to love.

But that first year, I felt as though the Lord had dragged me there kicking and screaming against my will. 

It's funny because most people here in the states absolutely love the idea of going to Europe... its a dream to go, maybe even specifically to England. 

But for me, it was an adventure I didn't want. 

Here was the third culture kid part of me coming out. 

It was my 'home' country, but nothing about it felt like home. 

I think the hard part about being born British was that when I went to college, everyone expected me to be a certain way, to act a certain way. But I grew up in a very american environment. I didn't understand the British humor and jokes that people would tell. I couldn't participate in conversations about TV shows from childhood. 

After all, I rode to school on a camel (not really, but that's a common question and assumption I got haha!). 

This was a year of letting go for me.

Of truly understanding how to lean on the Lord 100%, to trust His timing for romance and provision of a spouse someday if He saw fit. I had to learn how to lean on Him, because I didn't have anything else. My best friend was out of the picture, my family in another city and all my other friends scattered across the globe.  (The Lord would bring some incredible friends into my life over the next few years!) 

The more I struggled to make friends and fit in while in England, battling with the culture, the more I leaned on the Lord. 

And I fell in love with Jesus. 

While this year was the hardest, I also look back on this season with so much envy. 

I miss how utterly dependent on Him I had to be to make it through each day. 

How my breaking heart had to seek Him to keep the pieces together.

How I remember being held in His arms at night as I cried myself to sleep countless nights in a row. 

I missed A, my friends & I struggled to trust Him daily. 

And slowly, very slowly....He became enough. 

I started out that year wanting to marry A right away after graduation. I was terrified he was going to meet another godly girl at college, someone better suited for him. A girl who loved the Lord more than I did, who would serve the Lord by His side in a way I couldn't dream of. 

Towards the end of the year, my heart was found in Jesus, no longer wrapped up in my desire to be with A.

I was already in love.

Like a girl who had surrendered her most treasured possession back to her father never knowing if she would see it again.

Then I got an email.

From a familiar guy, who was prayerfully considering along with his parents, the possibility of pursuing me with the intention of figuring out if we should get married. 

(I'll be back with more tomorrow)

This post is part of my 31 day series for the month of October, 
fighting through the fears and sharing the confusing passions I have. 
Hoping to figure out the bigger picture of all these interests.