(I see so many people talking about the incredible friendships they have made through blogging, and I feel like a broken record saying it too. But you see, its totally true.)
I have met so many sweet ladies through the blog world, friends who are such an encouragement even though we have never met in real life.
I asked sweet Caroline to share with you something that has been on her heart lately. She only emailed this to me yesterday, but friends I couldn't resist sharing this post immediately. Because Caroline has put into words something I have wrestled with this past year. Something the Lord started speaking to me about through Emily Freeman and her book Grace For the Good Girl. The ugliness that surrounds my need for perfection =)
Anyway, I won't ruin it, but enjoy!
So head over and say hi to Caroline, she's a gem!
I don't know you, but I'm going to take a risk & confess I have a problem. I hope you'll understand, or at least nod and listen and not run away when I confess. See, I'm a good Christian girl. In the stillness of my own heart, I long to know Christ. I long to be found near Him, for the Lord to look at me and say that I've been a good and faithful servant.
My problem is that I like to be good. You could say I'm addicted to perfection.
Some might say that that's a good thing. For years I thought so. After all, I could live a life above reproach and do all the right things without much effort. It was natural. yes, yes, I sinned, but I didn't deal with any of the "big" sins I subconsciously found myself judging others for falling into.
Yet, here I am, age 24, in ministry, a new wife, and I feel the Lord's subtle tug on my heart. wait, no. it's not subtle. The Lord seems to be waving His arms in an attempt to finally get my attention. He seems to be saying-- you're missing it. He's not critiquing my outward life. At this point, He doesn't seem to care about how I look to others. He doesn't seem to be concerned about whether I'm "above reproach" or representing Him to all the interact with me. He's concerned with something bigger.
He's concerned with something much much deeper.
my heart.
in the stillness, it's as if He bids me to come to Him. He has me look into my heart, which compared to my outward life, is pretty dirty. He bids me to come not so He can fix me, but so He can tell me it's ok to not be fixed.
He tells me not to scrub and clean up my sins, because He has already made me white as snow. It's as if when I look into my heart & see dirt, that I am reminded that I need Him. again. Oh I used to know that-- before I got so caught up in trying to be so perfect, before I mastered being a good girl. He wants me to stop being afraid of sin-- living in fear. Instead of fearing sin-- living in constant fear & guilt & rules; He tells me to draw near to Him.
It is there that He reminds me that being near to Him is my goal-- not perfection.
perhaps He knows that for good Christian girls like me, when I stop focusing on what can be seen, I'll experience grace. finally. And then, everything will fall into place.
Psalm 73:28. but as for me, it is good to be near the Lord.
Him & only Him. not perfection. not compliments. not an identity grounded on being good.
Him. & that's only by His grace.
Him. & that's only by His grace.
whew. confessing makes my heart feel a little lighter. thanks for letting me get that off my chest, new friends.
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