His Whispers to the Good Girl. {Guest Post by Caroline}

(I see so many people talking about the incredible friendships they have made through blogging, and I feel like a broken record saying it too. But you see, its totally true.)

I have met so many sweet ladies through the blog world, friends who are such an encouragement even though we have never met in real life. 

I asked sweet Caroline to share with you something that has been on her heart lately. She only emailed this to me yesterday, but friends I couldn't resist sharing this post immediately. Because Caroline has put into words something I have wrestled with this past year. Something the Lord started speaking to me about through Emily Freeman and her book Grace For the Good Girl. The ugliness that surrounds my need for perfection =) 

Anyway, I won't ruin it, but enjoy! 

So head over and say hi to Caroline, she's a gem! 

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I don't know you, but I'm going to take a risk & confess I have a problem.  I hope you'll understand, or at least nod and listen and not run away when I confess.  See, I'm a good Christian girl.  In the stillness of my own heart, I long to know Christ.  I long to be found near Him, for the Lord to look at me and say that I've been a good and faithful servant.  

My problem is that I like to be good.  You could say I'm addicted to perfection.

Some might say that that's a good thing.  For years I thought so.  After all, I could live a life above reproach and do all the right things without much effort.  It was natural.  yes, yes, I sinned, but I didn't deal with any of the "big" sins I subconsciously found myself judging others for falling into.

Yet, here I am, age 24, in ministry, a new wife, and I feel the Lord's subtle tug on my heart.  wait, no.  it's not subtle.  The Lord seems to be waving His arms in an attempt to finally get my attention.  He seems to be saying-- you're missing it.  He's not critiquing my outward life.  At this point, He doesn't seem to care about how I look to others.  He doesn't seem to be concerned about whether I'm "above reproach" or representing Him to all the interact with me.  He's concerned with something bigger.

He's concerned with something much much deeper.

my heart.  

in the stillness, it's as if He bids me to come to Him.  He has me look into my heart, which compared to my outward life, is pretty dirty.  He bids me to come not so He can fix me, but so He can tell me it's ok to not be fixed.  

He tells me not to scrub and clean up my sins, because He has already made me white as snow.  It's as if when I look into my heart & see dirt, that I am reminded that I need Him.  again.  Oh I used to know that-- before I got so caught up in trying to be so perfect, before I mastered being a good girl.  He wants me to stop being afraid of sin-- living in fear.  Instead of fearing sin-- living in constant fear & guilt & rules; He tells me to draw near to Him.

It is there that He reminds me that being near to Him is my goal-- not perfection.

perhaps He knows that for good Christian girls like me, when I stop focusing on what can be seen, I'll experience grace.  finally.  And then, everything will fall into place.  

Psalm 73:28.  but as for me, it is good to be near the Lord.

Him & only Him.  not perfection. not compliments. not an identity grounded on being good.

Him.  & that's only by His grace.

whew.  confessing makes my heart feel a little lighter.  thanks for letting me get that off my chest, new friends.

Meeting Emily Freeman in an Overwhelmed Ocean.

Having arrived at the Influence conference feeling overwhelmed. I decided that even though I planned on attending most of the business sessions, I found myself drawn to the life sessions the first morning. I was desperate for some encouragement, something that would point me to the Lord and the whole purpose for being here.
I also wanted to hear from the author that wrote one of the books which probably impacted me the most in the past year.
Emily Freeman.


And given where I was with feeling overwhelmed....God met me in that Sheraton Conference room.


Initially I was skeptical at the topic Emily planned on talking on as I don't really consider myself an artist. But relevant it was. I'm sure not I can even begin to find all the amazing tweets which blew up my twitter newsfeed during this session.

"I'm not cut out for this"...you're right. you have been placed into this. Don't look to be confident in yourself." 


"Art can be work done in the present moment with willing hands. A whole heart, and a steadfast belief."

"Show up and be who you already are."


"What could be more dangerous to the enemy of our hearts than women with hearts that are fully awake?"


"Our critics force us to draw a circle around what we really believe." 


"Being small and ordinary is not a flaw, it's actually a prerequisite."


"A God who turns ashes to beauty can turn lists to lyrics, programs to poetry, and management to music."


"It might not be the first time it's been said - but you saying it might be the first time someone listens!"


"...Maybe our tears are tiny messengers of the most vulnerable kind." 


"I started small & I'm still small."


"You guys have been great! Thank you for not throwing rocks!" 

Listening to Emily was like a breath of fresh air in an ocean of sinking. Her talk on being in tune with what God wants and how its ok to feel out of comfort zone or useless was so helpful I can't even describe.
She spoke truths on a whole bunch of lies I had believed that have stopped me from moving forward with several visions I feel the Lord has given me for Influence in this little space.


As she spoke through each lie, it was as though the Lord was saying, this is a Lie child!
Don't believe these things. 


I could have never imagined a year ago that I would be a blogger. I don't even really know that I knew that blogging was such a big thing. I had a blog from the age of sixteen, which I kept private and shared with friends where life was taking me.
But the move to make it public and share my faith publicly with almost 300 followers, that was God! That was not my vision. I reluctantly obeyed about ten months ago.
There are days when I still want to delete the whole thing or move it back to being private because writing here means I am vulnerable.


But sitting in that conference room several weeks ago, I got a beautiful reminder from the Lord.
This is His, not mine. He reminded me that it is His to give and take away. That I shouldn't believe lies, but rejoice in truth. That I should keep writing to make much of Him, even if that is by sharing ways He is at work in my life. That by sharing my story, I may just touch lives for Him.


That I can get behind!!! 


My goal is to share my testimony through my everyday life and let others see Him in it. Emily reminded all of us, that our sphere of Influence looks different for each of us. But we should be more concerned with showing up and being who we are. We are daughters of the King and trying to make much of Him! So do it!

I have been much slower at picking up on how many times this message was spoken to me over the course of the weekend. I am also still trying to figure out which ideas as I'm usually a person who has many. But as I have been working through all the information, praying and brainstorming.....several ideas have started to seem possible.


I'm excited to see where the Lord takes us on this adventure!


Meeting this wise woman in a conference room in Indiana was incredible, mainly because through her the Lord spoke to me. So thankful for her wise words, beautiful heart,
honesty and hilarious sense of humor. I laughed so much throughout the course of the weekend because of things she said.

Photo credit: Sarah Koci Scheilz

Now how many of you ladies have read grace for the good girl? Because you really really should.

Much Love,

L

"God doesn't call the qualified, but if He calls you He will qualify you."

~ Mark Batterson ~