Letting go of the Good to Choose God's Best.

{Sweet Ladies Erin & Rachael}

So I have avoided writing about this topic because it has been heavy on my heart. Anyone else notice I do that a lot! Guess I like to finish processing before I write about things and make sure they are appropriate to share. 

I learned so much last year from the many sessions at the Influence Conference. I think it took me a full six months to process some of the information from the life tracks I attended. In making much of the gospel online and discretion in what to sharing when writing and when to remain silent. It was such an experience to be able to attend a blogging conference and I have many friendships that have continued to deepen as a result of attending. So I am so thankful the Lord opened the door for me to attend last year. 

This year however I battled with deciding whether to go. Last year I was drawn by several speakers who were going to be there and shared their heart for several topics and knew I would learn a lot from their wisdom. So once I started praying about going, I never had hesitations that going was the right decision with regard to what I would learn. 

But this year was different, while it still looked amazing and I knew I would learn from the sessions if I chose to go, my heart wasn't in it. I couldn't figure it out. It wasn't exciting me like the conference was last year. 

And don't hear me saying it was because it isn't good this year, because I have no doubt the Lord is going to do amazing things this upcoming weekend.

I just felt Him saying it wasn't for me this year.

{Erin, Kerrie & Julie} 

I had started saving to be able to go again this year after attending last year. So the money to attend was all saved and in a bank account. So I am not saying I am not attending based on a money issue at all. 

This was me prayerfully considering whether to go and I was getting a red light. 

You know those moments when you feel burdened about making a decision to do something. Your spirit is not at rest and you can't figure out why because the thing you are debating is good. Potentially really good.

None of this was making any sense until about a month or a little more ago. I was still going back and forth about whether the Lord was leading me to attend, whether He was calling me to attend a different conference or I should be asking about both. I have so many sweet friends who were amazing listeners and helped me figure out what I was hearing about this decision. Pointing me to truth and encouraging me to work through issues that arose as a result. 

Then a month ago, our church announces an opportunity to get involved with the high schoolers in our church. Something which has been on my heart for years is being involved in high school girls lives. But due to various reasons, the door has not been open for a while now for me to serve in this way. So our pastor announces this service trip, to be able to go on the high school retreat and serve in the kitchen. Getting to meet some of the students in the process, being able to serve and see whether the Lord is reopening this door. I even discussed this with our student worker, who informed me there is a huge need with the freshman girls. Friends, I could have cried! Because I finally have the time, there is a need and the opportunity to be involved. God is opening the door this time.

Here was the amazing part. The retreat is this upcoming weekend, the exact same time as the Influence Conference. And my heart jumped and leaped at the opportunity to explore the possibility of being involved with the freshman girls at our church. 

And I felt the Lord asking what my decision was. Did I want to go to something which was good or did I want to choose something He had that was potentially better? Something I had been waiting on for years! The other kicker, this weekend was fully funded....all I had to do was be willing to go. Compared to the cost of attending the conference in Indianapolis.

I was floored friends. Because while my heart is heavy that I won't be able to attend and hug some of the sweetest ladies I have ever met, I know I will be exactly where the Lord wants me. Getting grungy and sweaty alongside my husband in the depths of a kitchen while we serve the students in our community and explore the possibility of investing in their lives. 

{Brit & Chelsea}

So it saddens me that I won't be among those women gathering in Indianapolis this weekend to learn more about how to share Jesus with those we meet online. Know that I love each of you attending and will be praying the Lord works in your hearts this weekend as you open up to Him and what He wants to teach you. He is going to do incredible things through the leaders and community leaders who are all going with open willing hearts to love on you ladies and the fellowship you will have will be a blessing for long after the conference has finished and you return to your normal lives. 

I am praying that the Lord will open a door in the future to attend another conference. So who knows, maybe I will see you in Indianapolis next year? Maybe before....