Honestly, its been a hard season year over here. Lots of tears, battles fought, with some won and some taking every ounce of strength I have and then some. Thankfully through it all there has been a lot of refining, growth and holding onto the Lord with everything I have. So I can't really complain about the process. Anything which brings me closer to Him with a daily drive to be in His presence is worth all the pain.
Being married has been a blessing in so many ways, yet in others I have found it extremely hard. I have this bad habit of caring deeply what other people think of me. Often allowing their opinions to define who I think I am and not the Lord. And its been a hard year for learning to let go of approval from others. From not being ashamed of where the Lord has taken me in life, how He has orchestrated certain things and how I met my husband young.
I started sharing our love story here. Then I stopped, to be honest I almost completely dropped out of the blogging community all together not long after. Many things factored into this happening. But one of which was feeling the desire to hide. You see, I grew up with a deep heart for purity and waiting. For waiting on the Lord's timing for romance and wanting to encourage single young women to fall in love with Him and trust Him to work out the rest. I had a lot of friendships formed with that common ground.
It was a beautiful season in my life.
Then I got married.
And I was ashamed to talk about this beautiful story the Lord had written in my life. I didn't want to make other girls feel bad about where the Lord had them. I wanted to still encourage them to keep waiting and trusting, now knowing that what He had whispered to my young heart about trusting Him was completely true!
But I began to allow this to rob me of the joy He has given me with where I am now.
It has been a hard few years understanding why the Lord gave me a passion for Waiting and Purity, then bringing my husband to me at a young age. I can't begin to understand what it feels to be a late-20 something single girl who is struggling with loneliness and longing for an earthly prince. Yet my heart breaks, because my heart is minister to you, friend. To reach out and assure you that it will be ok. That the Lord does have beautiful plans for each one of us, we are just never sure what those plans are until we are the other side.
I am still not sure how He will continue to use me with this passion. Whether it will change into a passion for something else completely or if He will continue to use me in small ways in this area. I have no idea what the Lord is doing to be honest.
Something I would appreciate your prayer for, friends!
I had started writing here sharing thoughts on purity, waiting and loving the Lord. I still think these are totally relevant. I also feel at a crossroads of Him doing something bigger and moving forward, I just can't yet see what that is. So maybe there are big changes ahead for this little space as I pray, listen and hope to follow His leading.
In the meantime, I am resting in the assurance that God is good.
He is gracious and loving.
Understanding the longings of my heart even I can seem to understand
(or explain).
I am so thankful to sit in His presence when my poor husband is not sure how to help because I don't understand how this passion is still so present in my current life situation.
And my heavenly prince gets it. He understands what I'm feeling and probably smiles knowing what is on the other side of the crossroad.
In the meantime I hope to continue encouraging you ladies, sweet friends. Even in all the rambling and brokenness from this girl. Thankyou for being gracious with me as I have not replied to emails or taken forever to do things.
You show me Christ daily and I am so thankful.
Much Love!
L
Good post, Lisa :) I hope that God turns this frustration to a positive goal.
ReplyDeleteI wonder whether the patience, the trust in God, and the knowing where your true identity and value lie, which are such important things in waiting, can now be turned by Him to other situations. Maybe you'll get to use all that you learned then, but applied in a new and unexpected way. And others will benefit in turn from what you learn through those new journeys.
Lots of love from us in the UK (hope to see you again before long!)
Claire xxx
Beautiful post! You have been such an encouragement to me in your friendship and reminding me of my worth! I love your heart for encouraging women on purity and waiting! Praying that God continues to guide you in using the gifts He's given you-excited to see His plans for you unfold! Love you friend!
ReplyDeleteKeep trusting God! I'm going through some trials right now as well... so difficult, but so necessary to cling to Him.
ReplyDeleteBtw, if you lived nearby, I'd invite you to join the Sexual Integrity team I'm a part of that teaches classes to area schools/youth groups. The group is associated with the local crisis pregnancy center. Maybe you have something similar by you? :)
I so resonate with everything you have shared here. I, too, have gotten married young and, yet, my heart is for encouraging those single ladies who are near 30 and still waiting. I think the Lord has given you this passion and calling for a wonderfully purpose. I hope He guides you in this and helps you cultivate this in your life as a wife reaching out to women. :)
ReplyDeleteI really just love your heart. I love that you don't post just for
ReplyDeletethe sake of posting. Love that you wait on the Lord's direction. Thanks for
being totally honest and open with us. Thanks for sharing even the bad
days, because that honestly helps me when I pray for you!
Love you so much, girl!