Through Green Tinted Glasses.

I sign into my Instagram account when I have a few moments in my say and see a gorgeous picture of a mommy cuddling her little one in a chair early in the morning. My heart swells with joy for this sweet friend. 

It wasn't always as easy to be happy for others for me, in fact if we go way back to Jr high we can perhaps pinpoint the beginning of my dilemma. Maybe it began even earlier. 

Walking the halls of my school doing a circuit of the Jr high hallway loop with some friends at lunchtime, yeah we thought we were so cool. We passed my current crush with a group of his friends. As we walked closer I saw he was holding hands with one of the girls with him. I was devastated. 

And immediately hated this girl. Oh the drama when you're 13 right?!?! haha. 

So anyway, time passed and I hopefully matured some. Grew up and then found myself in a relationship with my husband. We were together quite a while before getting engaged since we both lived in different countries. Then some similar feelings came flooding back when another friend of mine got engaged.

What?! But I was the one waiting patiently right? We had been praying for the Lord's leading in our relationship and trying to make wise decisions. I may not have hated this friend this time, but I totally envied her. It just didn't seem fair. 

Even once I was engaged, I then watched several friends get married in a few short months after becoming engaged. Of course, I had learned my lesson right? Wrong! 

They should WAIT THEIR TURN! I'M NEXT!!! 

Is exactly what came out of my ugly heart. 

I'm even ashamed to admit that in some of these situations, I wanted nothing to do with any of these girls once they had what I wanted. 

Big green monster anyone?

Finally once married, I watched several sweet friends getting married shortly after us. 

And know what came out of my ugly heart...but getting married was my moment. 

We are still enjoying our own wedding and honeymoon period. 

This was where I was stopped cold in my tracks.

This was ugly.

And NOT who I wanted to be.

This was not glorifying Jesus and loving others.

I wanted to be happy for my friends. To share in their joys as well as their sufferings. 

So how did I begin to battle this? Because it has been just that, a battle.

A dying to self process.

I decided shortly after that I needed to start my making my actions seem happy for the other person and trust that my heart would follow. I may not have gone around bursting with excitement for expectant mamas (although I embarrassingly do that now in a very genuine way. haha oops!) It began as a simple act, like finding out a friend was engaged & instead of saying nothing, I would send a short note to them saying congratulations! Saying how excited I was and asking how the planning was going. 

(I didn't want to be fake in my excitement, but just share their joy) 

I started practicing this everytime a friend was expecting. I would send a little gift to show I cared. Or a congratulations card. Or a quick phone call or even a short email.

I began to see a heart change in myself. Instead of making a conscious effort to do these things, it became natural.

Practicing celebrating with others then turned into a general thrill and excitement over blessings in my friends lives. 

Seeing a friend's belly swell with a little miracle and attending her baby shower, while I myself have not yet been blessed in that way. I no longer see things through green tinted glasses. I see precious little babies and am so thankful I get to share in the joy of those around me. 

Weddings now make my heart soar as I see a picture of the way Christ loves the church, instead of feeling sad that someone else is having a magical day or seeing it as better than my own wedding. 

Sometimes, it is still a challenge. 

But its also a choice.

It feels so vulnerable to share these thoughts with you guys, because they seem so ugly now I have said them out loud. Yet I share them because it is a battle I have walked through and still choose to allow Christ to help me through. Through these thoughts, I hope you see Jesus, grace and what He is capable of doing in our lives when we have a willing heart. 

Much Love,

L

P.S. Don't forget you have until midnight tonight (EST) to enter the Birthday Giveaway. 

Contentment & the 10th Commandment

As we were sitting in a bible study early Sunday morning, the pastor started preaching on the tenth commandment. 
I will go ahead and say that I don't know that off the top-of-my-head.

“You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor's.”

[Exodus 20:17]

This is not normally the type of passage which is talked about a lot, at least not where I have been attending church. 
So it caught my attention.
As we unpacked the actual definitions of that verse, it becomes clear how serious this is to the Lord as He added it as a command. Right up there with murder and loving the Lord above all else.


So while we talked about it as a group we discussed the meaning of covet: to want something that belong's to someone else and discussed what we could want that others have.
Material possessions (like a house, iphone, etc)
Relationships (boyfriend, fiance, perfect husband)
Situation in life (good job, set financially, obvious spiritual gift, big ministry)

As a group we then talked about how the Lord has each of us in a specific situation for a reason.
If He has chosen not to give us that job right now, or bring that guy into our lives or bless us with a baby......
then 
He obviously knows that we don't need those things to accomplish what He wants us to do with our lives right now.


And how do we counter envying others?

With contentment.

We chose to focus on where God has us. Not where He has those around us.
Seeing those blessings He has put into our lives, the opportunities given to us.
As we focus on what we have instead of what we don't have.
We will grow in contentment with where the Lord has us.

This has been a hard lesson for me this past year.
Choosing to trust the Lord with our finances when I thought we had so little. (He always provided)
Trusting Him with involvement at our church when we lived so far away and couldn't realistically get involved. 
Being frustrated seeing others the same age or younger than us seem to have it a lot more together and start a family. (I have since learned that comparing myself to another just brings frustration, never contentment) 


Learning that we are not anyone else.
We are us.
God has plans specifically for us.
Just like He does for you.
And they might look very different to everyone else around you. 

What an exciting adventure!

'And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.'

[Philippians 4:19]

Much Love,

L