What I have probably never shared before, as I tend not to speak it out loud very often, is that I have a fear. A very irrational fear, one that started just before I got married & seems to keep growing in size. A fear of flying.
I know. I know. I've heard all the answers for how to get rid of it. But its seriously like being afraid of heights (which I think may be related as tall buildings now terrify me too) you can't simply just explain it away or pretend it doesn't exist.
Several things help, but really its something that I have to pray through many time throughout the entire duration of any flight. The frequency of flying may make a difference as well. Before we got married and were travelling back and forth across the Atlantic frequently I had less of a fear of flying, then it increased with no bad experience to provoke it, just like I suddenly woke up and realized just how strange it sounds to travel in a metal tube with wings up in the air.
So with our decision to go to Kenya last month, there was a huge understanding for me that this meant getting on a plane. Several planes. 5 different flights to be exact. 35 hrs of being in the air. It was a stretch for me.
Especially when we seemed to encounter problem after problem with our flights on the way to Kenya. Our first flight departed 6 hours late due to mechanical problems with the plane (that information really made me feel so much better!). Then another flight was delayed due to a medical emergency, which really wasn't an emergency at all thankfully. One went through a storm and of course turbulence (which actually has a calming effect on me, I did say it was irrational).
The drive that kept me going of course, was the fact that I really wanted to go to Kenya. We both felt strongly that we were being called to go together & serve for the brief time we were there. And that meant being obedient and getting on that plane.
It requires putting my trust in God and His plans for my life. Just putting one foot in front of the other and believing that He has good plans for me. Sometimes it feels beyond me to be able to do that. Especially in a fear this real.
But the one motivator I had in all this, was something that I shared during our daily devotionals as a group on our trip. As much as I am afraid of things in this life, it doesn't outweigh the fear I have of missing out on what God has for me because I was afraid. The fear of not doing something out of fear.
Missing what He has called me to do. Missing out on being a part of what He is doing on this earth.
So I keep battling & praying that He removes this fear someday! Battling my fears so that I can be a part of something bigger than them and bigger than me.
Glorifying Him, even when its hard and brings me tears of fear.
Knowing that He comforts me and protects me. I am never really in control ever in this life, this is all Him.
And the glimpse it gives me of His creation is pretty incredible.
I loved reading Nicole's perspective on fear today.
I loved reading Nicole's perspective on fear today.
Thanks for writing this, L. Even though, like you, I've grown up around the world and taken countless flights just to visit family (and had a pilot for a dad), in the past two or three years I've become very fearful of flying. We're flying out for Christmas (to WA) early tomorrow morning so I'm looking ahead to that now, trying not to dwell on it until we're on the plane, and give it to the Lord. I've struggled a lot spiritually since getting married, so that makes it much worse I think. It's good to hear from someone else with the same experience! And it's always worth it.
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