Oh for a Joy like This.

We have been back for nearly a week and my heart still can't stop thinking about these kids. I really miss them with such a burden, their joy & thankfulness to God despite how little they have! They taught me so much! Yesterday we were asked to sit on a panel in our Sunday School class and talk about our trip and the question of what did we learn from the Kenyan people came up.

The answer is overwhelming, because I am sure we learned more from them, than they did from us. Having been on trips before I knew we wouldn't be going on to accomplish amazing things that couldn't take place without us. That was not our goal or our focus, my husband and I both wanted to go knowing we were joining an organisation already very present in Kenya. Knowing the Lord was already moving among the people in the region this group is working in and we wanted to go and encourage them, witness what the Lord was doing & who knows maybe join them someday? We both feel so burdened to not live permanently in the comfort of the western world and instead to reach other people groups. Of course God is at work in our current community which we are privileged to be a part of and I don't view any of the work here as insignificant. The Lord calls people to different places to do His work and for some that means staying exactly where they are. Our hearts just burn with a passion to do His work elsewhere someday. 

But the children over in Kenya, they amaze me. They are just some of the happiest kids I have ever seen. And it broke my heart watching their everyday routine, how little they have, yet how joyful and excited they are to spend time together and with anyone who will play with them. The pace of life over there was just enjoyable, no stress over online activity or how many likes you have on social media. Just quality time with people, loving on others and enjoying late night conversations with the pastors. My heart is just full. I have no other words to describe the feeling. 

I never got to join the children for their evening devotions as our evening schedules didn't permit that to take place. If I go back, I really want to make that happen. We heard them singing praise songs late in the evenings a few times and it was incredible. 

He called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea."

Matthew 18:2-6

It took everything in me to leave, I wish we had the option to just stay permanently right now. To take on the task of loving these little babes, who were being cared for by 2 selfless amazing women 24/7. To contribute even a little to what the Lord is doing through this ministry. It feels so uncomfortable coming home and discussing Thanksgiving dinner, knowing their are hungry children where I was just a week ago. Or Christmas knowing that they don't even have a toy to call their own while most children in America have more than they could ever possibly hope to play with. 

It feels so unbalanced yet its strange to see which of the children are probably happier. (Not all, just general observations) It's very hard not to dislike the western world after going somewhere like Kenya and coming back feeling guilty about where the Lord has currently called us to. I'm still figuring out what to do with these feelings. 
Until then, I'm praying over and yearning for these kids again.....looking forward to seeing what the Lord does with this passion we both have for them. 

Plus, watching my hubby interact with the older school kids just melted my heart. That man is incredible with them, wanting to know their stories and make them feel special even if he only has a few minutes with them. Unfortunately I didn't have my camera with me when observing those precious moments, I was too busy etching them into my permanent memory. But it is hopefully something which will occur again and again in our future together.