[Letters on the Power of Words: Part 4] The Heart of the Issue.

Dearest Little L,

I'm so glad you are at least reading these letters and continue to wish that you knew their content years beforehand. This is the last letter I will be writing to you girl on the topic of the power of words. You can find the others HERE, HERE & HERE.

I have probably saved the most important issue for this last one as it deals with the root of the issue around your words.

Ever been sitting having a conversation with someone and before you have a chance to think, you say something you wish you hadn't. That inappropriate comment which was just a thought in your head is suddenly out in the open. You've said something you didn't really mean and now you can't take it back. 

Ever been in the middle of an argument and in the heat of the moment you've said something you promised yourself you would never bring up again. You've said things in anger to try and hurt the person in front of you, whom you love dearly.  

Your speech reflects your heart about a topic, girl. As a person talks you can hear in their tone, actions, facial expressions and words how they truly feel about something or someone.

'When you examine your words, you'll discover your heart.'

~ C.J. Mahaney, Humility

While reading his book, Humility, it stuck with me the fact that destructive words tend to reveal pride within a person. Your words show how you feel towards an issue or person and reveal more than perhaps you would want revealed.
Do you tear someone down because you think you are better or wiser that them? Are you jealous of them for whatever reason? 


Edifying words show evidence that a person has been truly changed by the Gospel and has a deep relationship with Jesus.

'Only the humble are genuinely concerned about edifying and encouraging others.'

~ C.J. Mahaney 

What a challenging thought, right girl? The opposite of humility is pride. So if you aren't seeking to encourage others, which would be clear from your words....maybe its because your heart is full of pride or selfishness (self-focus). Are you seeking what others need because you are self-righteous? Do you genuinely want to help them or do you just want to be liked and needed by them? Do you consider yourself better than someone else?

Your words reveal a lot about your heart.

We may be able to hide behind a mask of doing all the right things in life like Emily Freeman talks about in her book, Grace for the Good girl. But our words can give us away.....Even if we never slip in front of others and our words are never spoken out loud, our thoughts can tell us a lot about ourselves.

In the near future Little L, you will do a study on Proverbs and the many times it mentions the connections between the tongue and the heart. 

What you learn will be so valuable.

'One whose heart is corrupt does not prosper; one whose tongue is perverse falls into trouble.'

~ Proverbs 17:20

'Their tongue is a deadly arrow; it speaks deceitfully. With their mouths they all speak cordially to their neighbors, but in their hearts they set traps for them.'

~ Jeremiah 9:8

'Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest in hope...'

~ Acts 2:26  

Being careful with our words is so important and as these verses show, we can start change by examining our hearts. 

All is possible through Christ who gives us strength girl! 
You can't do it alone.


Much Love,

An Older L

[Letters on the Power of Words: Part 2] Venting.

 

Dear Younger Version of Myself,

In light of the content of the first part of this series on the power of words,

I wanted to take a moment to look at venting. 

(If you haven’t yet read part one about being an encourager with words....read it here.)

Venting is such a funny concept. 

I feel it is one that in the past I have used as an excuse for saying exactly what I what 

about a situation or a person, 

unfiltered and totally raw left open for the other person to process and interpret. 

I am beginning to feel the Lord changing my heart on this. 

Because the way I abused it in the past was far from how He would want me to use my words.

Speech is incredibly important, 

as I discussed in the last letter. 

And as much as we should seek to encourage others with our words, 

we do also get frustrated with things in life. 

So should we bottle this up and pretent it doesn’t exsist?

Over time the Lord has been revealing to me that the answer is No. 

He always longs to hear the things on my heart, 

to hear what I am struggling with.

He knows me better than anyone else, for He made me. 

He knows my thoughts already and still chooses to love me.

 Read that again slowly....crazy isn’t it!

'You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.'

(psalm 139:1-3)

How can we discern He wants to hear what is on our heart or what we are struggling with when He already knows those thoughts? We can discern this from verses which talk about His character and those which show His interest in us.

'For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth 

to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him.'

(2 Chronicles 16:9)

By praying and sharing things with the Lord, 

we involve Him in what is occurring in our everyday life. 

We invite Him to become involved. 

Prayer changes us, not God. 

We need Him, not the other way around.

'God does not change. God is a perfect God, and does not need to change.'

(Malachi 3:6)

 

When we seek Him, He changes us. 

He changes our heart and therefore we are able to graciously love others and speak kind words about others. 

Even in hard situations. 

For a few years now (yes, I have struggled to learn this concept) the Lord has been impressing in my heart that He should be the first place I go when I am frustrated or hurt or just feel the need to vent.

Also to remember that feeling a need to vent is not ungodly.

Hurt and anger are not sinful emotions.

How we then act determines whether they have lead to sin or been used to refine our character.

‘For everything there is a season,
    a time for every activity under heaven....... A time to tear and a time to mend.
    A time to be quiet and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate.
    A time for war and a time for peace.’

(Ecclesiastes 3:1,7-8)

While we are called to Him first, 

we are also commanded by the bible to live in community with others.

This involves being genuine, sharing struggles and areas of weakness. 

This is where I feel ‘venting’ comes in.

 But with it a caution to talk with the purpose of useful discussion of situations and not just complaining to other people. 

‘Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, 

you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently.

 But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. 

 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.’ 

(Galatians 6:1-2)

‘Only as I depend on and trust in and fully disclose to the One who knows 

anyway will I be able to discern when I’m fine-ing someone who deserves genuine. 

We don’t have to tell everyone how we are doing.

 In fact, that would be a problem all by itself,

 trying to be intimate and vulnerable with everyone. 

But it is important that we tell someone. 

A lot of my own heartache and struggles with the fake fine mask could be overcome 

if I simple allowed myself to be honest with God and trust Him to lead me in being vulnerable with people.’

~Emily Freeman, Grace for the Good girl, p.56

Personally I totally agree it would be inappropriate, and not encouraging to others, 

if I told everyone I met when I have an issue with someone. 

When I am struggling...I feel it is totally appropriate to share what is going on with a few wise trusted friends so that we can avoid the pitfalls of pride in conflict. 

Pretending everything is fine can also give us a false sense of self-righteousness.....

we feel our side of a conflict is the correct side and don’t have anyone else to correct or show us otherwise if we never share our struggles. 

These few trusted individuals in my life have been carefully selected. 

There is no point in going to someone who will always tell me what I want to hear, 

as nice as that can be. 

The ladies currently in my life are precious!! 

They are totally invaluable at praying for me, 

correcting my attitude when necessary, encouraging me and pointing me to Jesus. 

A would also like to add that tone is important in this kind of conversation, 

as it shares whether you are complaining about someone or sharing struggles and situations for the purpose of prayer, encouragement or correction/advice. 

(You should listen to him L, he is often the one you turn to for these conversations)

I realise giving someone that kind of access to your feelings and heart is very scary. 

It has definitely meant I have had to share some ugly sin about myself with someone else. 

But it has also corrected my view of myself and weakened my pride, 

which although painful is good.

It also continues to show me that I am never without need of my Saviour.

My sin highlights my need for grace.

For that, I am thankful.

Much Love,

L

hairband: SweetnessItself
earrings: f21 (a few seasons ago)
top: Plato's Closet
Belt: Aeropostale
Jeans: Aeropostale
Earrings: Birthday gift
flip-flops: Payless Shoes
Bag: American Eagle Outfitters