[Letters on the Power of Words: Part 2] Venting.

 

Dear Younger Version of Myself,

In light of the content of the first part of this series on the power of words,

I wanted to take a moment to look at venting. 

(If you haven’t yet read part one about being an encourager with words....read it here.)

Venting is such a funny concept. 

I feel it is one that in the past I have used as an excuse for saying exactly what I what 

about a situation or a person, 

unfiltered and totally raw left open for the other person to process and interpret. 

I am beginning to feel the Lord changing my heart on this. 

Because the way I abused it in the past was far from how He would want me to use my words.

Speech is incredibly important, 

as I discussed in the last letter. 

And as much as we should seek to encourage others with our words, 

we do also get frustrated with things in life. 

So should we bottle this up and pretent it doesn’t exsist?

Over time the Lord has been revealing to me that the answer is No. 

He always longs to hear the things on my heart, 

to hear what I am struggling with.

He knows me better than anyone else, for He made me. 

He knows my thoughts already and still chooses to love me.

 Read that again slowly....crazy isn’t it!

'You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.'

(psalm 139:1-3)

How can we discern He wants to hear what is on our heart or what we are struggling with when He already knows those thoughts? We can discern this from verses which talk about His character and those which show His interest in us.

'For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth 

to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him.'

(2 Chronicles 16:9)

By praying and sharing things with the Lord, 

we involve Him in what is occurring in our everyday life. 

We invite Him to become involved. 

Prayer changes us, not God. 

We need Him, not the other way around.

'God does not change. God is a perfect God, and does not need to change.'

(Malachi 3:6)

 

When we seek Him, He changes us. 

He changes our heart and therefore we are able to graciously love others and speak kind words about others. 

Even in hard situations. 

For a few years now (yes, I have struggled to learn this concept) the Lord has been impressing in my heart that He should be the first place I go when I am frustrated or hurt or just feel the need to vent.

Also to remember that feeling a need to vent is not ungodly.

Hurt and anger are not sinful emotions.

How we then act determines whether they have lead to sin or been used to refine our character.

‘For everything there is a season,
    a time for every activity under heaven....... A time to tear and a time to mend.
    A time to be quiet and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate.
    A time for war and a time for peace.’

(Ecclesiastes 3:1,7-8)

While we are called to Him first, 

we are also commanded by the bible to live in community with others.

This involves being genuine, sharing struggles and areas of weakness. 

This is where I feel ‘venting’ comes in.

 But with it a caution to talk with the purpose of useful discussion of situations and not just complaining to other people. 

‘Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, 

you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently.

 But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. 

 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.’ 

(Galatians 6:1-2)

‘Only as I depend on and trust in and fully disclose to the One who knows 

anyway will I be able to discern when I’m fine-ing someone who deserves genuine. 

We don’t have to tell everyone how we are doing.

 In fact, that would be a problem all by itself,

 trying to be intimate and vulnerable with everyone. 

But it is important that we tell someone. 

A lot of my own heartache and struggles with the fake fine mask could be overcome 

if I simple allowed myself to be honest with God and trust Him to lead me in being vulnerable with people.’

~Emily Freeman, Grace for the Good girl, p.56

Personally I totally agree it would be inappropriate, and not encouraging to others, 

if I told everyone I met when I have an issue with someone. 

When I am struggling...I feel it is totally appropriate to share what is going on with a few wise trusted friends so that we can avoid the pitfalls of pride in conflict. 

Pretending everything is fine can also give us a false sense of self-righteousness.....

we feel our side of a conflict is the correct side and don’t have anyone else to correct or show us otherwise if we never share our struggles. 

These few trusted individuals in my life have been carefully selected. 

There is no point in going to someone who will always tell me what I want to hear, 

as nice as that can be. 

The ladies currently in my life are precious!! 

They are totally invaluable at praying for me, 

correcting my attitude when necessary, encouraging me and pointing me to Jesus. 

A would also like to add that tone is important in this kind of conversation, 

as it shares whether you are complaining about someone or sharing struggles and situations for the purpose of prayer, encouragement or correction/advice. 

(You should listen to him L, he is often the one you turn to for these conversations)

I realise giving someone that kind of access to your feelings and heart is very scary. 

It has definitely meant I have had to share some ugly sin about myself with someone else. 

But it has also corrected my view of myself and weakened my pride, 

which although painful is good.

It also continues to show me that I am never without need of my Saviour.

My sin highlights my need for grace.

For that, I am thankful.

Much Love,

L

hairband: SweetnessItself
earrings: f21 (a few seasons ago)
top: Plato's Closet
Belt: Aeropostale
Jeans: Aeropostale
Earrings: Birthday gift
flip-flops: Payless Shoes
Bag: American Eagle Outfitters

Joy in Storms.

The natural flow of life, 

the ups & downs, 

are all a wonderful part of what shapes us and moulds us. 

'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, 

who have been called according to his purpose.'

{Romans 8:28}

A wise pastor once told me, during a time of great difficulty in my life,
 to pray that God would make me content with the trials in my life.

For those trials although difficult, were teaching me and growing me SO much.

To really see those challenges as a refining process.

To understand that comfortable should not be my goal in life.

'Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,  

whenever you face trials of many kinds,  

 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.   

Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, 

not lacking anything.'

{James 1:2-4} 

This can be such a hard concept when you are are in the midst of struggles and difficult situations.

I was hurt this past week by the action of another. 

My natural reaction was to try and hurt them back.

But as I have continued to pray and release it to God, the feelings of anger & bitterness have disappeared instead of taking root.

I have been able to respond lovingly in several situations despite previously wanting to hurt them in response.

This could only have been the Lord in my life.

Even though nothing is resolved in this situation or even remotely close to how I wish it would be, I find myself seeing good. Seeing an awareness of how to truly love others and deal with conflict. I feel the Lord continually speaking to me about these things.

How to be genuine.

Speak truth in Love.

Pour myself out for others.

Even when the response hurts.

I am continually pointed back to the cross.

Then so thankful.

I have had my eyes opened to see how Christ loves me even when my responses to Him are hurtful.

How much He still loves me.

He never gives up on me.

He continues to care.

How He loves.

 'Love is patient, love is kind. 

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,

 it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.....'
{1 Cor 13:4-8} 



My flesh hates this lesson because most of my life, I have graciously had friendship reciprocated.
Given love to others and had it given back.
And the older I get, the more I am learning this is a beautiful gift.
We can't control how people choose to treat us in return.

We shouldn't give love only to get it back in return.
This is a hard concept especially if like me, you like to be liked and treated nicely in return for love you give to others. 
But it's totally self-seeking to love in this way.
The only person I am truly loving in that situation is myself, because I want to be loved by others. That's my motivation for my actions.
Not genuine love for others.


I'm not saying we need to be doormats and continually hurt by friendships which are unhealthy. 
But we should really pray for those people. As well as keep our hearts open to relationship in the future should things be different. 
Continue to do whatever the Lord asks of us in order to pursue healthy relationship.
 Only with the Lord's help will this be possible.
Because it truly is SO hard.

May we continue to see our differences as beautiful expressions of God's grace rather than an excuse to not try and get along. 
Or conclude we are too different to make the effort.


I want to remember that although they are a sinner.
I am too.
That I am loved by God.
They are too.
And we are called to love as He does.


'Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. 
Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.  
Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.  
This is how God showed his love among us: 
He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 
 This is love: not that we loved God, 
but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.  
Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.  
No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, 
God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.' 
{1 John 4:7-12}

I don't know the details of your life situations, just like there are only one or two who know the details of mine......but know that I am cheering you on in your trials, girls! 
If we were having an intimate conversation, I would encourage you to keep pursuing the Lord.
Keeping seeking for His heart for others! 
Keep wanting that sacrificial love for others, even when its hard.
 Keep wanting Christ to be known. 


Life is about more than comfort.
There is great joy to be found in seeing good in a storm.

{via}

 

{via} 

 Much Love,
L
  

Photo credit: Louise Randall (unless otherwise stated) 
Pictures of me and my besties in college.

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I have decided to discontinue the {On My Heart} mondays series because with a few exceptions, 
most of my posts have taken on this tone.
So my whole blog is now sharing my heart & the things the Lord is teaching me.
Hope it encourages.